I want to be seen

I remember those childhood days as if they were the most precious time of my life. It has not to do with the fact that kids are basically the definition of the purest human state we can possible be in.

In fact, i was just thinking about how the outer world influences our behaviour and makes us think about our actions, how we treat others and the list goes on.

The first time i got a mobile phone -yes, technology is the topic, again- was in fifth grade. I was taking the train every day to go to school, that's why my parents decided that being able to call and localice me whenever they wanted to wasn't a bad idea. I don't blame them at all, having this kind of opportunities and taking them is something i would have done too.

But-

The golden era was coming to a permanent end with this product that seemed such a good thing without any kind of life in itself. A product that was just created to fulfil it's duties, to serve, as any other human developed machine.

We all know how wrong we were, how innocent and controllable we are when it comes to technology.

Guess what happened.

The smartphone replaced any kind of activity that I used to do, mainly reading and devouring books.

I started to film everything with my phone camera, including friends, random persons, the family and known ones. I wasn't even thinking about the feelings they had when I literally pasted the camera on their face, how annoying i was being.

I have a collection of those videos on my computer. I started to look and analyse them, some of them were so cringe that I wasn't able to see more than a few seconds from the beginning.

What I've noticed? I was a child back then, I still am a child and probably my entire life will be just a challenge to find myself and inner peace. I craved for attention, even if I was not posting anything on social media in regards to my social life, I still was filming it. I am sure that this fourteen year old me was not pretending to annoy everyone around her just so that I could watch those stupid 15 seconds short cringe films afterwards and think:

Damn, how did they not shut me down for 24 hours just to breathe?

If we change the perspective a little bit we can also see the positive part of the story.

I am not the only one who lived this, i guess if you're reading this post right now, there is a huge percentage amount of probability that you can relate to it. Partly, at least.

I can also conclude that I subconsciously knew that i was craving attention, that's why I did not upload any of those "how-to-annoy-people-and-flex-at-the-same-time" clips.

I can be sure of one thing: In five years, I will be reading this post and think to myself:

Oh man, I was just a kid back then.